Howdy, losers. Duff McKegels back again with the fourth installment in Gun Shy Assassin’s Battle of the Band Babes showdown — my attempt to narrow down metal’s hottest girlfriends and wives until we arrive at the top of the top, and name our Battles of the Band Babes winner. Of course, I can not do it without your help. Please — I need you to vote like a motherfucker. Vote, vote, vote for these babes! I could do it alone, but then what would be the point.
Sorry for the tardiness of this week’s column. Got stuck on a tarmac and just couldn’t send over this week’s next batch of honeydews any sooner. Such is the life of Duff.
Yes, so, we’ve had some real hotties square off and this week is no different. We’ve got a retired adult entertainer and a blonde pixie from heaven. Its so wrong, but this is a serious debate we’re having: Which metal god do you envy the most, basically?
Which guy’s life would you want, even if just for a day, all because A.) He’s in an awesome band, beloved by thousands and sometimes millions, and B.) Dude gets to spend his free time with a total babe. He gets to touch her and kiss her and wake up next to her. Bastards. And again, bands dudes — this is not knock. I’m jealous. I want to spend a day in your condoms…SHOES, I meant shoes. Your girls are awesome, beautiful, and we hail you and the amazing specimens of hotness you have been able to attain.
Oh, and if we’re forgetting someone, send us suggestions. We’ll always take suggestions. This week, we put Unearth frontman Ken Susi’s girl Anastasia up against Static-X’s Wayne Static’s wife, former professional cock-pleaser Tera Wray. Tell us — who would you want to be spending your time with. And don’t just vote for Tera because she’s probably got awesome porn star moves. Look at Anastasia — she’s like a real life Tinkerbell, with piercings. I always had a crush on Tinkerbell. And remember people — you can always double-click on the pictures to enlarge them.