Five reasons to despise computer Luddites
You probably already despise your computer Luddite acquaintances, with their fantasies of a world that was a better before computers, and their chronic, stubborn stupidity that stops from them learning how to use a computer without assistance.
Just in case you don’t already despise those moaning, complaining time wasters, here are five reasons why you should:
1. They mistakenly think life was easier before computers
If I hear a Luddite say “life was easier before computers” one more time I’m going punch them square in the face. No, life, was not easier, and many of the things that we now take for granted, were difficult and awkward. We’re talking about a world where, for example, if you wanted to write a message to someone overseas you had write or type a letter (using correction fluid to erase mistakes), find an envelope, go to the post office and buy a postage stamp, and then post your letter. If you were lucky, the letter might reach its destination in a few weeks (unless you sent it using very expensive air mail), and you might get a reply in a month or so. Call me crazy, but I really do think that email is much easier.
2. They drag down the productivity of the rest of us
While the rest of us are getting on with it in the workplace, working hard to make a living, computer Luddites spend their time complaining that they have to remember that CTRL+C means copy. Give me a break. Doing a job means that you have to remember how to do things; actually, being alive means that you have to remember how to do things. With their moaning about how difficult computers are, they distract the rest of us from getting on with our work (never mind that they’re not doing any work themselves).
3. They do completely idiotic things with their computer
Once they finally start using a computer (usually after being threatened with dismissal from employment) Luddites do extremely stupid things as if they’re trying to prove their hypothesis that computers make life difficult. They for example, send emails in all caps. My goodness, you don’t have to be a genius to disengage the Caps Lock key (or not hold down the Shift key). They also call you after every email that they send, especially if you don’t respond in five seconds. They don’t seem to understand most people have other things to do other than to instantly respond to their inane all-cap emails.
4. They ring at all hours with stupid questions
The most dangerous thing you can do is to give a Luddite the impression that you know something about computers. They will ring you at any hour with a dumb questions like “how I do print?” And even if you tell them a dozen times, they still keep ringing and asking the same, inane question. Somehow they don’t seem to appreciate that most people have better things to do than to be a free help service.
5. They are outraged over the most trivial matters
A Luddite friend of mine was outraged when she received an email for penile extension. “Why did they send it to me,” she wailed. I tried to explain that everyone gets spam, but she just couldn’t grasp this concept. She decided that she would much rather waste her time being outraged rather than moving on to the next thing.
And before you start saying that all I’m really doing is having a go at old people; I know people in their 60s, 70s and 80s who are masters of personal computers, and at the same time, I know people in their 20s and 30s who can barely switch on a computer. One young fellow (mid 30s) I was dealing recently didn’t know what a PDF was. Being a Luddite is not necessarily a function of age.
Let’s be clear. Being a Luddite doesn’t mean that you’re making a statement against the encroachment of technology into our collective lives, it just means that you’re too lazy, stupid, and close minded to accept that the world changes every minute, and that as a functioning citizen in this modern world you should be changing with it.
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November 26th, 2006
Five reasons to despise and hate James Cornelius
1. He’s a pompous twit.
2. He thinks he’s the next Seinfeld with his stupid spiteful observations (actually, he’s a lot more like George).
3. He whines (like George)
4. He goes after obvious targets.
5. He doesn’t know much about computers.
I’m your number one enemy! I won’t rest until you get sacked.