In the worst case of missing the point since King Arthur used Excalibur as a back scratcher, Universal Records plans to combat declining sales by releasing singles in a new and more expensive format: USB memory sticks.

It seems somebody told them “The kids aren’t buying CDs because they use computers to get the music for free”, but they stopped listening around the word “computers” and decided to see how they could get money from that idea. The result is singles released on USB memory sticks, expected to cost twice what a CD would according to the Times.

They apparently hope that videos and images in the extra storage space will justify the extra expense, a fascinating insight that reveals why they’re having such problems with piracy: they don’t understand it even a little bit.

People aren’t buying CDs because they can get the music for free online. Cramming on a bunch of multimedia trash won’t change that, unless J-Lo records “How to cure cancer” as a bonus track on her next dose of pop palsy. And even if this extra material is any good (unlikely), and original never-seen-online content (unlikelier), it’ll be available for free about four seconds after the first single is released. Especially now that Universal are thoughtfully providing it in a format that connects directly to a computer.

Brian Rose of Universal UK is quoted as saying “We’re hoping that people will see USB singles as a piece of merchandise. There’s obviously a demand for collectable physical music the kind of format people want to stick up on their wall.” That’s why the music industry is failing, people: those in charge genuinely believe the average customer wants to pour money into their pockets for idiotic ideas, and it’s only the evil pirates stopping them.

In summary: Universals solution is “Encourage people not to steal our product by making it more expensive.” Be thankful people like this don’t run the emergency services, or you’d have fire engines filled with petrol turning up to spray burning buildings.

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Entry was posted on Friday, October 19th, 2007 at 2:38 pm under Music.

Read more entries by Luke McKinney.
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