Each year March 17 rolls around and Americans all brandish proudly/discover/play up/make up an Irish heritage, proudly donning over-sized green clover sunglasses and plastic hats to avoid being pinched. The holiday dates back to the 5th century when one not-yet-a-Saint Patrick converted the Emerald Isle from a pagan to a Christian nation AND drove all of the islands’ snakes right into the sea! As smart as he was persuasive, the zealous preacher used the sign of the Celtic triple goddess Brigit, the shamrock, and converted it into a cheap and handy way to explain the Christian idea of the Trinity, one god in three.

As interesting as religious history is, however, most people use the luckiest day of the year not to wax poetic about a snake’s perspective on Saint Patrick or to research their red-headed grandma’s grandma, but to go out and drink some Guinness: that thick, heady, cold-espresso-tasting stout. Saint Patrick’s Day in America isn’t about rainbows or leprechauns or snakes or shamrocks; it’s about going out with your friends, having fun, and pretending for one day that you can drink like you were on the Emerald Isle.

What would Saint Patrick do? He’d go out in the Emerald City and tie one on. Pretty much every bar in town is having some sort of Irish bash; here are a few safe bets for those of you ready to rock on your Seattle Saint Patty’s Day:

The Tractor Tavern hosts it’s annual Ceili (that’s Irish for PARTY TIME) with traditional Irish dancing and lots of Guinness; check out the photos from last year. $7 cover

High Dive in Fremont is having a Patty’s Day Blowout with local bands Sunday Night Blackout and The Goondocks; DJ Taco Supreme will be spinning (with sour cream and salsa). No cover.

Kell’s Irish Restaurant and Pub has the biggest Saint Patrick’s Day party in Seattle and has been celebrating the holiday for the last week with a whole festival! Monday they cap it off with a bang with music from noon until 2AM; nine different music acts perform including a few from Ireland. There will be lots of Guinness. $20 cover includes a free tee-shirt.

The Last Supper Club hosts Liquify with DJ Brett Michaels from 8PM with lots of Guinness and the tag line “Party with all the cool people on the luckiest day of the year.” No cover.

The Blarney Stone Pub between Downtown and Belltown will have live music, bagpipers, and lots of Guinness! $10 cover.

Fado Irish Pub in Pioneer Square will be rockin’ and jam-packed; band lineup includes foot-stompin’ Handful of Lovin’, Boys of Greenwood Glen and Justin and Ronin; also there will be lots of Guinness. $15 cover but you will receive a $10 Fado gift certificate to spend on another visit.

The Irish Emigrant on The Ave in the U District promises live acts from The Kennedy Brothers and Sole Proprietors as well as plenty of drunk Irishmen and lots of Guinness. $10 cover before 9PM, $20 after 9PM.

Conor Byrne Pub in Ballard serves beer in PINTS and will have live music acts and lots of Guinness. $5 cover.

The Funhouse in Seattle Center is having a punk rock Saint Pat’s Party with bands Dragstrip Riot, All American Playboys, and Seven Crown. $5 cover.

The Owl ‘N Thistle Irish Pub in Post Alley has food and drink specials, corned beef, cabbage and lots of Guinness. The Seattle Fire Department Pipe and Drum Band will be entertaining the masses as well as several other live music acts. $10 cover.

Men in uniform with pipes and drums AND lots of Guinness? Owl ‘N Thistle gets my vote!

Food Saint Patrick’s Day in Seattle: Where to Drink Your Guinness