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WORD TO YOUR MOTHER! Mother’s Day Events in Seattle

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She washed your little toes before you knew what they even were, she made you eat broccoli and let you eat ice cream, she listened to you cry and laugh, and she is your biggest fan. Or maybe all she did was give birth to you- but that’s kind of enough, don’t ya think? May 11 is Mother’s Day and you better not forget it or in the doghouse you will be. In fact, start making plans NOW, because a whole lot of people in Seattle have mothers.

What to do to please Mom? Well, it’s easy really, mothers are women, and women are easy to figure out, contrary to popular belief: we like good food, we like being entertained, we like sparkley things, and we like chocolate. But don’t just go out and buy some junk carnations from QFC along with a bottle of sauvignon blanc- no doubt she would love these things, but they are only things, which makes them lame. Why not take your mother out to enjoy life and give her a Mother’s Day to remember? Here are some great places to take your mom, and unlike a bouquet, the memories will live inside of her forever:

FOR ANIMAL LOVING MOMS: Mother’s Day Brunch at the Woodland Park Zoo: Moms love animals, otherwise they never would have had them in the first place, right? Hee hee hee. Really though; brunch and mothers go together like monkeys and inappropriate behavior, and there’s a dessert buffet! Win-win!

FOR ARTSY MOMS: If your mom is artsy, there’s a good chance you are an artist too, so the fact that Moms and Museums at the Bellevue Art Museum is letting in mothers for free on Mother’s Day (as long as she’s with you) should suit you just fine. Enjoy the paintings, and don’t worry honey- she recognizes your talent, whether the world does or not.

FOR OUTDOORSY MOMS: Have a Catered Breakfast at the Northwest Trek Wildlife Park then take a tram ride around the park and see if you can spot any bighorn sheep, deer, elk, or caribou out roaming free just like their mothers would have wanted.

FOR DRAMATIC MOMS: Well okay ALL moms are all a little dramatic but if yours loves the theatre, head to Intiman for the Mother’s Day Brunch followed by an afternoon matinee of The Diary of Anne Frank

FOR SPORTY MOMS: The Seattle Storm takes on the Indiana Fever at Key Arena Saturday night; root for the hard-core chicks with your hard-core mom.

FOR GAMBLING MOMS: The Emerald Queen Casino is giving away flowers, cash money money!, and matching handbags, along with hosting special games to see who knows their mother the best during the Mother’s Day “Two-Lips” Celebration. No comment on that name.

FOR FUNNY MOMS: Two hilarious female comedians are in town Mother’s Day weekend; Margaret Cho splits sides at The Paramount and Janeane Garofalo hams it up at the Showbox at the Market.

FOR FEMINIST MOMS: Buy tix to the NARAL Pro-Choice Luncheon at the Sheraton Hotel, and listen to the Sarah Weddington speak; she’s the attorney who successfully argued Roe vs. Wade in front of the Supreme Court.

FOR GARDENING MOMS: Flowers smell nice and are colorful and pretty, just like your mother. Take her to the Bellevue Botanical Garden for the Mother’s Day Social and follow it up with a tour of the extensive garden grounds.

FOR HIPPIE MOMS: Does your mom braid her long hair and smell like sweet patchouli? Remind her of her tripped-out days of psychedelia at the Cirque du Soleil’s CORTEO over in Marymoor Park. You’ll score major points- there’s not a mother alive who wouldn’t love this show.

FOR BAD MOMS: Did your mom drop you on your head repeatedly? Leave you with strangers for most of your childhood? Refuse to feed and clothe and shelter you as a toddler? Well then bring her to the punkerslut NOFX show at the Showbox SoDo. and make sure she ties those combat boots tight! Or how about a surprise guest slot at Open Mic Night at the Comedy Underground– you’re up, mom! After her set, take your mother for a swing around the dance floor at Country and Western Line Dancing Night at The Cuff Complex, Seattle’s hotter-than-the-sun dance club for gay men. Now that will be a Mother’s Day to remember- unlike your birthday, which she always forgot.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL OF YOU LIFE-GIVERS OUT THERE!