The United States may be a country divided into blue and red, with some of us carving ‘B’s on our faces and some of us laughing at prank calls like 5th graders, but this Tuesday night everyone will be united by that epic American invention, the TV: crammed around a screen big or small, watching the live election results come in and praying to Uncle Sam that our candidate with nary a mention of hanging chads or a recount.
Instead of enduring hours of agonizing waiting with nothing to do but scream at the pundits, grab your friends, appoint a responsible designated driver and make this an election night to remember- or forget. It’s your choice. Just like the vote.
First things first: get some alcohol. You can do this with regular old beer (domestic, of course) or get fancy with blue and red jello shots or Blue Hawaiians and Red Bull and Vodka. Or go for “Depression 2.0” style with the cheap date: PBR blinged out with red and blue food coloring.
TAKE A DRINK EVERY TIME YOU HEAR:
Saturday Night Live
Joe the Plumber
Too Close to Call
DO A SHOT or FINISH YOUR DRINK EVERY TIME:
A state gets called for a candidate and then it is retracted
Someone says something nice about George W. Bush
Osama bin Laden is found
An average American is mentioned by name
Anyone mentions Reagan
A state is called for the opposite side as it was in 2004
Someone in the room screams “OBAMA!” or “MCCAIN!”
Palin and 2012 are mentioned in the same sentence
A candidate gains over 300 electoral votes
Someone refers to Sarah Palin as a MILF
MAKE YOUR FRIEND DRINK EVERY TIME YOU CAN:
Convince a third party to do a Palin impression.
Find someone who can name the capital cities of Pennsylvania, Florida, and Ohio
Get someone to change the channel OFF of election results- with another drink every minute until it is turned back.
POUR YOUR DRINK ON YOUR HEAD AND GO HOME CRYING IF:
McCain is declared President of the United States.
RUN WITH JOYFUL SHOUTING INTO THE STREETS IF:
Obama is declared President of the United States.
***WARNING: The whole purpose of drinking games is to get drunk. CultureMob is NOT responsible for any stupid, dangerous, or asinine behavior by anyone at anytime***