Stocking Up for the Zombie Apocalypse at Ranger Surplus
First came fallout shelters, then the the Y2K scare, but, these days it appears that the latest apocalyptic threat breathing down humanity’s collective neck is…zombies. Luckily, one chain of metro area army surplus dealers is prepping the populace for our inescapable confrontation with the undead. Enter the “Zombie Bag” — a grab-it-and-go pack of essentials that will help ensure the continued survival of the human race (or at least your friends and loved ones).
“A few guys on our staff think that the zombie apocalypse is pretty much inevitable, so we came up with this idea,” said the manager at Ranger Surplus Bethesda. “Of course, not everyone is keen on calling it a ‘Zombie Bag,’ and, so for survivalists and everyone else, we usually call it a ‘Three-Day Go-Bag.'”
With a laundry list of more than sixty items to choose from, Ranger Surplus is offering up pretty much anything a zombie hunter would need get by — short of guns and ammo that is. Customers who pick up an assault pack or duffel bag can then help themselves to an extensive array of supplies, including machetes, knives, axes, hand-crank radios, gas masks, boots, holsters, MREs, tents and much, much more.
For every ten items used to stave off the walking dead, Ranger Surplus offers a 10% discount; for every 20, save 20%. As the shop puts it, “Now you can save money and possibly your brain.”
“Some people will come in and buy everything all at once,” added Ranger’s resident zombie weaponeer. “Other guys will start off with a few basics then come in every week or so to add a flashlight or sleeping bag or something else of the list.”