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Review: Lady Gaga Invades the Staples Center with her Monster Ball Tour

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Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga poses in a rotating contraption during her Monster Ball Tour

Lady Gaga “hates the truth so much that [she] would rather have a giant dose of bullshit”, or so she eloquently said earlier this evening…

The truth is, Lady Gaga, you are one ridiculously talented young lady.  In one of the most anticipated concerts of the season, Lady Gaga arrived to the Staples Center Wednesday evening ready to open up a can of pop music whoop-ass.  As the lights dimmed, the intro to “Dance in the Dark” kicked in, and the magic never stopped from there.  In what proved to be the perfect mix of glittery glam, massive sets, outrageous costumes, and powerful vocals and choreography, Lady Gaga delivered one of the best pop shows of the century.

The show itself walked a thin line between concert and musical theater, with an entire plot thought out, and completely narrated by Gaga herself with sassy wit and through the mouth of a drunken sailor.  Lady Gaga and her band of fabulously gay, flexible, light-footed friends are on their way to the hottest event in town, the Monster Ball.  In the first act of this extravaganza, their car breaks down, enticing Lady Gaga herself to pop the hood and start playing the keyboard that was ironically hiding beneath it. Like any rational person would in this situation, she begins to belt out her hits and dance like a maniac in the streets, climbing scaffolding and staircases in the process to some sharp, gyrating choreography.  During her “Boys Boys Boys” number, she modestly stood to the side of the stage and sang, allowing an all-male orgy to be featured front and center stage, where they enthusiastically gyrated around in black pleather briefs, often dry-humping one another and grabbing their suspiciously massive packages.

But it wasn’t all just outrageous choreography, glittery costumes, and sailor slips.  Lady Gaga is bringing something rare back to pop music, something that has been long lost in time since the likes of Elton John and Prince. Lady Gaga is an actual musician –  you know, the kind that actually knows how to play an instrument and create a catchy melody (and no, we are not talking about musicianship like Britney Spears’ pathetic attempt to mime piano-playing during her 2003 Onyx Hotel Tour stint).  This woman can rip the keys right off of the piano, and she stiletto’s the guitar strings like a fat boy picks the bones of his chicken wings.  She gave a soulful interpretation of “Speechless” on a fire-shooting piano, whom she dedicated to her father in the audience, and treated fans to a more recently developed song entitled “You and I”, which was reminiscent of a much sexier, more rock and roll version of an Elton John song.

The show went on, as Lady Gaga and her band of gay brothers were swept away by an L.E.D. induced tornado and taken to a dark, dead-tree filled place that Gaga herself called “Central Park”.  Suspiciously, this mysterious park was also filled with numerous gay back-up dancers and singers, and also featured shirtless guitarists hiding behind dead tree branches as well.  This part of the show had a much darker, more mysterious set list, which included “Monster”, “Teeth”, “Alejandro”, and a performance of “Paparazzi” that featured a massive, hydraulic fish-like monster that filled the entire stage, a creature that, according to Gaga herself, could only be destroyed by audience members defying Staples Center security and taking as many pictures of it as possible.

Lady Gaga was interactive with the audience throughout the entire two hour set, which is a rarity these days for a pop artist.  She is undoubtedly the real deal, with dance moves that would make any man blush, and a voice that ripped through the ceiling on the Staples Center from start to finish without falter.  At this point, I think it would be very safe to say that we have only seen the beginnings of Lady Gaga, who is sure to become one of the biggest, most decorated pop stars of our time.