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Bach On The Market: Sebastian’s Single, Ladies

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The unhappy couple
That’s right, girls. Former Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach is a single man…now that he and his misses, Maria, have separated. Sebastian, let me just say this right off the bat: It’s always sad when one thing ends, but you need to look on the bright side — now, you can get new pussy! And for a rock star, there’s nothing better than that.

In a statement released on Facebook, Sebastian announced the split, saying that “in all but every way, we have actually been separated since last April. We have tried to work things out for the sake of our family, but it has become apparent that our differences at this point are irreconcilable. In 2011, we go our separate ways.”

Man, what a way to kick off the new year, huh? By the way, this is all very strange, coming just months after Sebastian took to the webernets to defend his old lady, saying that she was never a stripper.

If they’ve been split up since June, why come to her defense in November? I guess they were still trying to work things out at that point, but this may all ultimately explain why Bach got all hammered last month at some bar in Canada and bit a dude. I have been in his position and can tell you it is no fun. Hang in there, Bach. And guys, Maria — and those cans — are now available. Those boobies could be yours if you play your cards right. Go get ‘em!