If you were at the RockStar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival in Darien Center, New York, last night and you went for Machine Head, you must be fucking pissed this morning.
That’s because Machine Head were forced to pull out of Mayhem last night because of an undisclosed illness. Probably food poisoning. Someone in Machine Head spent the day on a toilet, folks. Probably.
I was supposed to go to Mayhem today, but unfortunately folks, your old uncle Chris asked to be put on the list too late, and the publicist handling the list doesn’t like me because of all the shit I talk.
So, if you were hoping to run into me at Mayhem to kick my ass, I hate to disappoint. And if you are Alex Lopez, yes — I know I promised I’d hang with you today before your final move, but there’s nothing I can do, kiddo. I will miss you, and you will miss me. This we know. But don’t worry — we will see each other again soon enough.