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If You’re Going To Get Shithoused, Do It With Your Friends From Kiss

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Tastes like Gene Simmons' swamp ass
I’m not a big drinker. If I’m at a wedding or on a date, I will imbibe. But I’m not the type of dude who has a liquor cabinet or a wine refrigerator. Just not how I roll anymore. But if I were a booze-hound, you bet your asshole I’d be drinking Kiss-themed wine and beer.

Kiss and wine distributor Rewine have teamed up for an exclusive European licensing deal to create rare rock and roll vintages of Kiss-themed Zin Fire Wine and Destroyer Beer.

The private-label liquors, which feature customized Kiss packaging, will be available in Europe this fall. America never gets anything cool.

Kiss Zin Fire is described as being “a bold and fruity 2010 California Zinfandel — the result of a cool, long growing season that promoted fantastic flavor, acidity, and color. A brazen blend of blackberry and pepper gives the vintage a hard-rocking kick and spicy smooth finish.”

The Kiss Destroyer Beer is said to be “an easy-to-drink beer in the best German tradition. A careful brewing process creates its great head of foam and a balanced flavor, like an original ‘Pils.’”

“This isn’t just something we put a label on,” like the rest of the shit we sell our fans. “We wanted wine and beer unique to Kiss and we got it,” said Paul Stanley. “This stuff will set your taste buds on fire.”

And your genitals, too…but, like, three weeks later.