My load will be thick and heavy
So, that took forever and a day. But yes — Tool have officially confirmed that they will be touring.

I’m happy. But a new album would make me much happier.

We have all the official tour dates released thus far after the jump.

You may have noticed we’ve got some Tool ads on our site. If you’re gonna get tickets, why not click on one of our ads. Help us earn a nickel!

By the way, I don’t know what happened to me or what’s wrong, but I was asleep last night by 11 p.m. I didn’t wake up until 1 p.m. today — aside from the two trips I made in the middle of the night to the pisser. To piss.

I feel rejuvenated and alive. I fucking love sleep and I love coffee. And I love Alex Lopez, which is why I’ll be attending her birthday party tonight in the city.

Hopefully, I’ll be the only guy there, thus increasing my chances for getting my fingers wet. I’m kidding, of course.

I want to get my dick wet, too.

Tool dates:
1/14: Reno, NV @ Reno Events Center

1/15: Las Vegas, NV @ Mandalay Bay Events Center

1/17: Tucson, AZ @ Tucson Arena

1/18: Albuquerque, NM @ Tingley Coliseum

1/20: Grand Prairie, TX @ Verizon Theatre

1/21: TBA @ TBA

1/24: Toledo, OH @ Huntington Center

1/25: Toronto, ON @ Air Canada Centre

1/26: London, ON @ John Labatt Centre

1/28: Boston, MA @ TD Garden

1/29: Camden, NJ @ Susquehanna Bank Center

1/31: Uncasville, CT @ Mohegan Sun Arena

2/1: East Rutherford, NJ @ Izod Center (I’ll be at this show)

2/3: TBA @ TBA

2/4: Charlotte, NC @ Bojangles Coliseum

2/6: Ft. Lauderdale, FL @ Bank Atlantic Center

2/7: Orlando, FL @ UCF Arena

2/8: Duluth, GA @ Gwinnett Arena

Home Entertainment Tool Officially Announce 2012 Tour Dates