It’s true!

Gwar have cancelled their European touring plans for next month. Likely because they’re still dealing with the loss of their guitarist. At least that would be my guess.

I’m wrong.

“Several of the promoters were alarmed by the low ticket sales, and they decided to start pulling the plug on shows,” says band frontman Oderus Urungus (born: Dave Brockie).

“It got to the point where we had lost so many shows that we simply could not afford to do the tour,” says Oderus. “We are super disappointed that this happened, and we apologize to all of our European fans for canceling the tour.”

Brockie assured fans “we did everything we could possibly do to save it, but it just didn’t work out. The tickets are fully refundable so make sure you get your money back!”

Yeah, make sure you get your money back. And then spend it on food, because you need to eat.

You need sustenance. I mean, look at you. What do you weigh, 100 pounds?

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