Last week, I made an embarrassing, borderline inappropriate display of my love for FX’s animated spy spoof “Archer”—you can read my love letter to the Season 2 Blu-ray HERE.

Regarding my prose, time has inspired within me no small feelings of regret, but I still maintain that “Archer” is a) one of the three or four most consistently hilarious shows on basic cable (talk about damming something with faint praise….), b) an ode to leading voice actor H. Jon Benjamin, and c) the only post-“Arrested Development”-style comedy to replicate the off-kilter timing and verve that made the late, great sitcom deconstruction so justly venerated.

If you haven’t taken the plunge, get a Netflix subscription, buy/rent/steal the Blu-rays or DVDs—do whatever it takes, and enjoy.

If you’re already a fan, then you’re probably lamenting the wait until Season 3 returns (January 19th, so set your DVRs to a week from Thursday).  Spoiler alert: Burt Reynolds guest-stars as himself, and the thrill Archer gets from meeting his hero quickly curdles when Reynolds begins dating Archer’s mother.

Apologies if the wait just got a little harder.

That said, I can ease the pain.  Along with Twentieth Century Fox, CultureMob and I are sponsoring a giveaway for the tie-in book How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written.  This thing couldn’t be further from the standard (boring) episode synopsis and trivia compilations; I’ll let Fox (and Archer) explain why….

Sterling Archer is now the author of the definitive handbook detailing how you, too, can learn how to be a killer secret agent. How to Archer is Sterling Archer’s gift to the world.  As he writes on the back cover:

“Hi. I see you’re reading the back of my book. This tells me that you either A) are hoping to find a brief summary of what to expect from a how-to book by Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, or B) don’t know how books work.

“If your answer was “A,” your best bet is probably the table of contents, which is where you’ll find the “contents” of this book listed in a convenient, easy-to-read “table” format. So maybe go check that out for a minute and then come back here. I’ll wait….

“Pretty cool, right? What other book will teach you how to dress properly and how to drive an elephant? How to field strip an AK-47 and how to haggle with a Thai prostitute—in her native tongue? How to pilot an airboat and how to make about a million delicious cocktails, including a Molotov one? How to kill a guy and how to prepare a fabulous brunch? Plus how to do tons of other stuff that I forgot, but that is nonetheless probably in this book (which, to be honest, I really only kinda skimmed).

“So if you want to learn more about how to be more—or at all—like Sterling Archer, the world’s greatest secret agent, quit smearing your greasy fingerprints all over this book and buy it. For one thing, I really need the royalties. For another thing, the last time I checked, this wasn’t a damn library (Note: If your answer was “B,” this probably isn’t the book you want to start with).”

Buy your copy now (well, on January 17th), available wherever books are sold.

One lucky contestant, however, won’t need to purchase one.  It’s simple: to qualify for the giveaway copy, email me at, provide your first and last name, and correctly answer the following question.

  • To which of the following TV shows did H. Jon Benjamin NOT lend his vocal talents?                              a) “Bob’s Burgers”  b) “Family Guy”  c) “Dr. Katz: Professional Therapist”  d) “Squidbillies”

I’m going to stop taking entries at 8 PM EST next week on Monday, January 16th, so get your answers in before then.  Only contestants within the United States are eligible, and entering the same name under multiple email addresses will get you disqualified.

The winner will be informed privately on Tuesday, January 17th, and Fox will send the book out shortly afterwards.

Smell you later, fellow agents, and again, “Archer” returns, only on FX, Thursday, 19 January at 10PM ET/PT.

Culture CultureMob Giveaway: Win the HOW TO ARCHER Book