Brian Fair’s That First Step’s A Doozy: Super Bowl Shuffle
Shadows Fall frontman Brian Fair is back with the latest installment of his Gun Shy Assassin column, and he’s here to talk about Sunday’s big game
First off, I just wanted to say that when Gun Shy Assassin first asked me about writing a column about the Super Bowl I was hesitant. I have always been an overzealous, loudmouthed, obnoxious New England sports fan and that love and devotion has lead to many years of near psychotic superstitions.
Normally, I try to avoid all discussion about any huge game that either the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins or Patriots are involved in and avoid instigating and talking shit to any fans of the opposition. That is reserved for post victory when I can crush their already demoralized souls to dust and then piss on it ‘till it forms a paste that I can feed to them like baby food.
If, by some rare act of Odin, my team does lose, I retreat into a media blackout bubble ignoring ESPN, my Blackberry, and newspaper headlines until the post-game hype has died down. This is why I first feared this project.
I enjoy nothing more then talking shit to other sports fans, especially those from New York — so I must tread lightly and not cross any lines that may send out cosmic rays of bad karma that could effect the Patriots’ play this Sunday.
Let’s be frank here. The Patriots might be the only first seed playing a team that was barely 500 in a Super Bowl that is considered an underdog by everyone besides Vegas and that is just to get people to lose their money.
This Giants team is on a tear and Eli Manning and his infuriating “Aw shucks” bullshit has been playing out of his mind. A lot of people look at this game like it’s the Pats chance to avenge that 2007 disaster but I don’t really see it that way.
Vengeance was paid in full when David Tyree, fresh off a book deal for his inspiring biography “The Catch,” blew out his knee and never played another down and when Plax busted a cap in his own leg and sent the Giants into a downward spiral.
If that is not proof positive that some of the G-Men sold their souls to the devil to get that win I don’t know what is. So that game actually doesn’t count due to Satanic intervention.
It’s gonna be a tense few hours on the couch my friends. Luckily, I can yell at my TV loud enough to get Belichick some in-game adjustments and motivate players with my outbursts. Enjoy the game and GO PATS.
Also, I will be making live Super Bowl updates on this site during the game. Well, unless I bust a blood vessel in my brain from screaming at the Pat’s secondary.