Sentenced to Life
So, something interesting happened to me recently. I was at a friend’s house, just hanging out and watching the History Channel when one his friends — this chick — came over. This has nothing to do with Black Breath, so let me just get that out of the way.

Right there is the cover art for the Seattle metal band’s forthcoming album, Sentenced to Life, which drops March 27 through Southern Lord.

Sentenced to Life features ten new Black Breath tracks. A press release says the album contains “the most demoralizing-yet-energizing d-beat-injected death metal hymns from the band to date, with a bit less rock and roll swagger and more full-on rage.”

I will have to take your word for it, press release.

The songs included on the album are “Feast Of The Damned,” “Forced Into Possession,” “Endless Corpse,” “Of Flesh,” “Doomed,” and “The Flame.”

So, back to my story. I’m at my friend’s house, and in walks this girl: short, skinny, with the face of an angel. And amazing lips. Super cute. As we’re all talking, I just blurt out, “Damn you’re cute.” I couldn’t contain myself. Often, there is no filter between my thoughts and my vocal chords.

We’re all talking, and the topic of boyfriends and girlfriends comes up. For some reason, on this day, I was feeling especially cocky. Not sure what inspired this, but I’m thinking it was the good hair day I was having. So, we’re all talking, and I ask her to get a drink. She tells me she’s not interested in anything serious right now.

I then say: “That’s cool. Let’s just have fun. Two adults, having fun with their bodies. No calls the next morning. No hurt feelings. Just pleasures unknown to most mortals.” She responded by telling me I was lucky she was a nice girl who didn’t slap men. This line has worked before, and never has it led to a slap.

She left, and I eventually headed home. I actually kind of forgot about it all, and two days later, I have a friend request on Facebook. I didn’t recognize the name, but I did recognize those lips.

I accepted her online friendship, as meaningless as it probably is, and wrote her a message, letting her know I never ever expected to hear from her again after our meeting. She responded by saying I had left an impression.

The lesson here, folks, is that you always need to go with your gut. Sure, it might fail you sometimes, but more often than not, it rewards you with vindication…that you did the right thing.

A year after I got out of college, I was in a bar with a bunch of friends and this knockout of a waitress was working there. Right before we left, after gazing at her all night and not getting any sort of vibe at all from her, I approached her.

“This may sound weird, but I just need to know what your name is because I think you are stunning,” I recall saying, without much thought. She smiled. “I will do you one better,” the blonde beauty replied. She pulled out her notepad, wrote her phone number down with her name and a smiling face. I spent that entire summer banging that girl, and man…let’s just say I have several moments from my time with her as part of my mind’s vast sexual highlight reel.

Always go with your gut. That is all.

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