Happy Valentine’s Day fucker. Hope you get lots of cards, filled with the sentiments of other writers. Oh, and flowers that’ll die in two weeks, and candy that’ll spend seconds in your mouth, but forever on your ass. Enjoy. Truly.
Can you tell I hate Valentine’s Day? It’s mostly because I don’t have a Valentine, as such. I mean, at the last minute, I figured something out, and I am very excited about it. But if you wanna be cool this Valentine’s Day, get your girl a book. That’s the way to go.
For Valentine’s Day, Paradise Lost is offering up a free song from their forthcoming 13th studio album, Tragic Idol.
You can download “Crucify” today for free, but for today only. Get it right here, lovers.
If you bought any of the following items for your broad this year, you are lame, and I know from experience: A star named after her, a teddy bear, lingerie, a kitchen appliance, a bow around your cock, a coupon book for sexual favors, jewelry, or a car. Douche.