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Faith No More: Just Fucking Tour The U.S. Already, Wouldya?

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Faith No More
This is an open letter to Faith No More, a band I have always loved and will always love.

So, what’s up dudes? Love you work. I was fortunate enough to see you guys when you rolled through and played those two reunion shows in Brooklyn. In fact, I wouldn’t have missed them for the world. I’m bummed I didn’t get a large tee; my only regret. My medium shrunk in the fucking wash. But, the shows were awesome, and at the time, some of my readers all around the states wrote to me, envious and pissed they couldn’t make the gigs.

What gives, guys? I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious there’s a fucking demand; Cole will go see you when you come through his neck of the woods. So why are you so resistant to the idea of touring the U.S.?

You wouldn’t even have to hit the secondary markets. Hit the majors — Boston, Washington D.C., Chicago, Atlanta, Minnesota, Houston and Dallas, Nashville, Tucson, Las Vegas (or Reno, if Vegas repulses you as much as it does me), Seattle, and maybe Boise, Portland, or Denver or some shit — and the people will come to you. Seriously. And you could even spread those dates out…over fucking months if you wanted. It could be like a year-long tour, and you could just play like two shows every three weeks or so.

You don’t even need to play California again, or New York. I’m not gonna be greedy. I got to see you. It’s the rest of these poor bastards who read my site who didn’t…they want that chance, since many of them were too young when Album of the Year came out; I saw you on that tour too.

Seriously. You keep booking new gigs overseas, after playing two bi-coastal batches of U.S. bashes. It’s time to stop depriving America your greatness. Please at least think about it, because in all sincerity, it’s not cool that Europe gets you guys for a bunch of shows every other year. Truly.

And on that note, here I am, promoting another show of yours. What a nice guy I am! You guys just need to think about it. Come on, Mike. Do it, brother. You’re the man. Let America show you the love.

So, you guys are going to be part of this year’s “Sonisphere Knebworth“ lineup. Meaning you get to play Knebworth, England, again from July 6 to July 8.

Now, this is a festival. The first date features Kiss, Within Temptation, and Wolfmother, while the second day boasts Evanescence, The Darkness, Fields of the Nephilim, Ghost, Gojira, Katatonia, and Queen fronted by Adam Lambert, who is not fucking worthy.

As you are Faith No More, you already know you are playing on the last night, with Incubus, Refused, Mastodon (playing The Hunter in its entirety; Gee, great), Andrew W.K., and Marilyn Manson.

Just think about it.