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American Idol Top 9: I'm Not Really Sure What The Theme Was

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Does anyone know what tonight’s theme was? Because I honestly had no clue. Stevie Nicks was involved and she cried, and hit on Phillip Phillips, but other than that, it had nothing to do with whatever the theme was. I guess the contestants were able to sing songs of their choice and that included shout outs to Jesus, the 2nd amendment, and Beyonce.

The contestants also sang in trios which was serious filler for a show that could be knocked down to at least 1 1/2 hours, but I’m not going to talk about those. I only paid attention to the unnecessary Michael Jackson medley done by Joshua Ledet, Heejun Han and Deandre Brackensick who were wearing unnecessary hats.

Colton Dixon started off the night with his shout out to Jesus with Lifehouse’s “Everything”. I had no idea Lifehouse sang “worship” songs, but according to Colton they do, and that’s why he loves music so much. Colton loves Jesus and while everyone thought this song was for a chick… it was not. Now, as much as I make fun of Colton and his strange hair that’s “his baby”, I will admit he did good tonight. He sang the song well, and he sang it with passion. What more could I ask for? Him getting a new hairdo is the answer to the question, but since that’s not happening… I’ll take him impressing me with his performance. Colton will totally stay around for another week, he has girls and fellow Jesus lovers on his side now.

Skylar Laine hit the stage next with her ode to the 2nd amendment. Now, I don’t want to make an assumption, but she probably votes Republican, right? Is she even of age to vote? Who cares.  She is 100% country. I wish I could type in a country accent font just to show you how country she was. Skylar sang “Gunpowder & Lead” by Miranda Lambert  and I’m afraid to say I didn’t like it all that much because she will probably shoot me. I’m sure technically it was a great performance, but that was just way to “hee-haw” for me. A little manic too. A country maniac is how I will now describe her. I’m not really sure about Skylar’s fan base, so let’s assume she’ll be in the bottom 3… unless of course the NRA are huge American Idol fans.

My best friend Heejun Han was next and, it’s sad to say, Heejun needs to grow a pair. He went back to his boring ballad ways after the awesome stripping/dancing extravaganza that went down last week. HEEJUN, WHAT HAPPENED?! He sounded good, and like Jennifer Lopez says, he has a nice tone, but I prefer the dancing Heejun to the boring ballad singer. Let’s hope he made the right decision and he’ll stick around for another week. One more week might mean another dance party hosted by Heejun. And it also might mean, mentor Jimmy Iovine can insult him for having an Asian accent once again.

Our second shout out to the big guy upstairs came from Hollie Cavanaugh who sang Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take The Wheel”. Now, this Jesus shout out was a little more obvious than Colton’s. She did good for a British girl. She’s British, did you know that? I just found that out last week and I’m still shocked. Anyway, I feel bad for her because everyone (including me) is just going to compare her to Carrie Underwood, and Carrie she is not. I think she may be in the bottom 3, but she should just milk that British accent and the judges might use the save on her.

Deandre Brackensick was next with “Sometimes I Cry” by Eric Benet. And holy falsetto batman! I miss his bopping around. And I really miss the rubber bands he used to pull his hair back. I really don’t have much to say on him, because I admit… I picked up a phone call during his performance (I know. Lousy re-capper, right?), but to make up for it, I’ll tell you my mother unaffectionately calls him “macaroni head.” She’s not a fan of his hair. Let’s assume he’s in the bottom 3 for his hair and for his falsetto.

My favorite pageant robot queen, Jessica Sanchez, ruined a Beyonce song next. She straight up ruined it. Who turns “Sweet Dreams” into a ballad? Jessica does. It was actually a nightmare to me. And not to mention, there were weird red doors all over the stage and she even closed one on herself at the end of the song. It was all very bizarre and I’m confident that while Beyonce was rocking Blue Ivy Carter ™ to sleep, she was scratching her weave. But it doesn’t matter what Beyonce and I think… Jessica has a fan base. She’ll stick around.

Guess who was next? My imaginary boyfriend Phillip Phillips. He wore 19 layers of dull colors, and it was perfect. P Squared sang Jonny Lang’s “Still Rainin” and it was your typical P Squared goodness. He was strumming his guitar, growling, and giving us his creepy smile and bedroom eyes. It was great. My only beef with this was Stevie Nicks portion. She needs to back off. She wouldn’t shut up about how handsome Phillip was and how talented he is. WE KNOW, STEVIE! ENOUGH! I’LL FIGHT  ‘CHU!!

Mantasia, AKA Joshua Ledet, graced us with his presence after we bid adieu to my boo above, and of course he sang Mariah Carey’s “Without You”. Now, I always think of Kelly Clarkson’s Idol performance way back in 2001 when it was a simpler time, so I of course was not into it. Joshua is good, but he’s too shouty for me. I can’t “get down” and “preach” like he can… so it’s all lost on me. I’ll assume if I was into that, he would have been the greatest. But it doesn’t matter what I think because, he cried on stage and that will get him a few votes, right?

Elise Testone closed the show and girl was rocking it. She sang Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love” and there were strobe lights, screaming, head banging, and a standing ovation. Everyone loved it. I don’t even like heavy rock music (or know anything about it), and I could sit back and say she did a good job. Elise wants it and she refuses to lose to Colton and his skunk hair do. I’ll be shocked if she gets the boot, but if she does the judges will probably use their precious save.

Who do you think did the best? Who do you thinks going home? And more importantly, what was the theme supposed to be? Tune in tomorrow night on FOX @8PM for the results!