Razormaze: Exclusive Tour Diary, Part 2 — Dingus Does Dallas

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In Austin
Razormaze are currently on the road, and lucky for us, the band’s been kind enough to extend an offer to the site. That offer? They asked that we run their tour blog — an opportunity we jumped at. Today, we bring you the second installment, written by the band’s Alex Citrone.

Day 5: Dallas, Texas — Five days and we’ve made it to Texas.

Texas is a real big state. It’s hot there and there are armadillos and cowboys and armadillo cowboys. Shit’s weird.

Today marks the first of three dates with our bros in Steel Bearing Hand. We drank some Shiners, tore it up and Nick was molested by vagrants. Did you know that armadillos are the only animals who can transmit leprosy to humans? We do now. WORTH IT.

Hanging with the Steel Bearing Hand dudes

Day 6: Austin, Texas — We spent the day showing off our bods at Barton Springs, eating Tex Mex and drinking MOTHERFUCKING AVOCADO MARGARITAS (get them at Curras, they rule).

The show took place at a warehouse and was presented by a local biker gang. There were no nerds, wimps or posers allowed inside. They were all asked to promptly and shamefully leave the hall.

Locals, Waarface and Saif Word opened it up and Widower closed it out. Many thanks to Skidmarx, the Austin Pyrate Punx and Marcus from Brainkiller for letting us smell up his house with our now very pungent ball cheese.

Yum

Day 7: San Antonio, Texas — We again spent our day in Austin, drinking in public. We then drove to San Antonio and pissed on the Alamo like five times EACH.

We were greeted at the venue by some ‘itis-inducing backstage BBQ, which is always a really great pre-set decision, especially if you like throwing up in your mouth while you’re singing.

PRO TIP: Stomach bile helps make your vocals sound cool and brutal.

Sam with Brainkiller's Marcus

I don’t always share my secrets, folks. Write that shit down NOW. Locals Kulpret Kommand, Disrupter and Righteous Kill held it down for us and the Steel Bearing Men who we unfortunately had to bid farewell to after three awesome dates. Catch them on their full U.S. tour soon ya dingus.

Day 8: Houston, Texas — Last minute fish tacos were had in Austin and then we embarked for Houston.

We got to the venue early, drank too much beer and played a rippin’ set at Walter’s with La Urrs, a sweet punk band who hails from Spain.

This happened

We then nested up at Eric from Turbokrieg’s house, ate pizza, listened to our new favorite album, Bachelor Dance Party Volume 2, featuring such classics as “Hateful Head Helen” by Big Black Bitch and “Stick It In” by Foreplay (feat. Raw Sex). Have you ever heard a “Dildo Breakdown?”

We have!

WORTH IT.

CHAPTER 3: OVER THE HILLS TO PHIL ANSELMO’S HOUSE

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