Technology with attitude

Razormaze Exclusive Tour Diary, The Final Chapter: Dusty Organ Boner

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Coffin Dust and Organ Donor
Razormaze have been on the road in recent weeks, and lucky for us, the band’s been kind enough to extend an offer to the site. That offer? They asked that we run their tour blog — an opportunity we jumped at. Today, we bring you the fourth and final installment, written by the band’s Alex Citrone.

Day 14: Raleigh, North Carolina — Our first show in Raleigh, a guy got nailed in the face by another guy with a 2X4 because his wife lied about having her ass grabbed.

IT WAS AWESOME.

I was hoping this would happen again. It didn’t.

What did happen was our best show in this town yet. This was mainly in part that this was the first of two dates with our old pals in Coffin Dust and Organ Donor.

Both SPECTACULAR death metal bands. We raged, drank, talked about how awesome Whitesnake is (FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE) and heard the new Carcass album. I wept silently to myself due to its awesomeness. ONWARD.

Swimming on the James

Day 15: Richmond, Virginia — Our day began with drinking Steel Reserve down at the James River. If you haven’t noticed this pattern of ours in which we constantly day-drink malt liquor, now you have (it’s not a problem until I say it is).

This was one of the best shows of tour, great turn out, great crowd, great venue (Strange Matter). Strange Matter also happens to have one of the best bloody marys in the country. Their secret? They infuse their vodka with hesher sweat.
The result is a salty, blood red, rejuvenating tonic that tastes like freedom. After the show, we raged in Organ Donor’s loft and sang UFO songs like a bunch of idiots. WORTH IT.

Day 16: Baltimore, Maryland — Tonight we play at the legendary Barclay house. It’s been a DIY institution in Baltimore for years. Generally, DIY shows are the best shows. They also generally involve a lot of moshing.

If you’re a vocalist, this moshing inevitably leads to chipped teeth from the microphone being constantly smashed into your face. I’ve already knocked my front teeth out once (I blame Steel Reserve) and don’t care to do so again. I have thus developed a system of prevention known as Tight Butthole Mouth™.

Tight Butthole Mouth
Your teeth can survive mayhem, too. Just pucker those babies up tight (see figure 1a) and NEVER let go. 

Anyway, this show was phenomenal. It was the second and last of two nights with our bros in Midnight Eye. They shredded face as expected. After our incredible set, Ilsa delivered one of the most crushing barrage of riffs of the tour.

Check these fucking dudes out. We then went to eat at Paper Moon, a restaurant owned by a tribe of hoarders with great culinary skills. Then we drank beers and it was awesome.

Day 17: Brooklyn, New York — LAST FUCKING DAY. I DESPISE New York City. That’s right, I said it. DE-SPISE. I was thus THRILLED to see the absolute glacial clusterfuck that awaited us entering the Holland Tunnel.

It was as if the vengeful god of New York was saying “Hey Alex, I know you’re here, so I arranged these cars in such a way that you’ll never get to your show. You may be past the age of the onset of schizophrenia, but you should probably get checked for that shit, bro.” Alas, I put on my big boy pants and dealt with that shit.

My dismay was soon to be converted into joy as this was easily our best New York show to date.

Member of the Paper Moon hoarder tribe

I know I keep saying this about every show on this tour, but its FUCKING TRUE MAN. This has been an absolute blast and testament to the hardwork and touring we’ve put into promoting Annihilatia. I know you’re reading this and saying “Yeah yeah, dingus,” well WHATEVER man. I’m allowed to be proud of the life-ruining decision I’ve made to become a musician, aren’t I?

Tour is generally kind of like an acid trip. If you fight it, its going to suck. This time around however it’s been easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Thanks to all the friends we saw and made and YOU.

You special masochistic motherfucker, you took the time to read this all the way to the end. Hell, I could kiss ya right on the mouth. Now go buy my album and make me a dollar.