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kate upton

Sodom To Release EP

German thrash icons Sodom have announced plans to issue a new EP next month. Called Sacred Warpath, the effort hits stores on November 28 in Germany. The rest of Europe will get the new one on December 1, with a late January 2015 release in…

Readers’ Bands: Trust That No Trust Rules

I’ve gotta hand it to Ben Guzman. Not only is the dude in a fucking wicked awesome band called No Trust, he’s a smart fellow and a genuine reader of this site. He must be. His emailed to me carried the subject heading “Kate Upton.” You know…

Flotsam & Jetsam, Black Breath Tipped For Summer Slaughter

Good morning, fuckers. How’d you sleep? Like a baby log, I hope. And those dreams...were they sweet? I bet they were. That’s nice. I had a dream that Kate Upton and Valentina Matteucci were both playing on a trampoline, giggling the entire…

Butcher Babies Added To Black Label Society Tour

As rumored, the Butcher Babies are the official openers now for that Black Label Society-anchored Revolver Golden Gods Tour. Down will be part of the tour from May 2 to May 23, and Devil You Know -- featuring former Killswitch Engage…

Ex-Dark Angel Singer Teams With Forbidden Drummer

What for? A new musical project, dude. Now that he’s out of the Dark Angel reunion for good, Don Doty has announced the creation of an as-yet-unnamed new project. The project, according to Blabbermouth, will revisit the band's classic We…

Now, Here's An Email From Jack Osbourne

So, we get emails all the time here at GunShyAssassin, and most of them go something like this: “If I ever see you, I’m gonna make you suffer.” Right. And Kate Upton swallowed my hot, goopy load last night. Others are witty and downright…

Deathwish Sign Harm Wülf

Who is Harm Wülf, you ask? They’re a Philadelphia hardcore outfit boasting Blacklisted's G. Hirsch. The band’s just signed a deal with Deathwish Records. Look for Harm Wülf’s first release this summer. “From a vagabond spirit rooted within…

Mötley Crüe Bassist's Fiancee Talks Toys For Twats

Yup. It’s February 13, which means tomorrow, you’re either going to be miserable to be alone, semi-miserable to be trapped, or shitting-your-pants ecstatic to be in love. Personally, I am on the shit list. I have to work tomorrow. My girl…

Orchid To Release New One April 26

Dude. This is probably the phattest news you’ll hear all day. Unless, of course, it happens and I can finally report on the epic suck-job Kate Upton bestowed upon my Johnson. Yes, people -- San Francisco-based doom rock dudes Orchid have a…